


Voices

by orphan_account



Category: Louis Tomlinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Hearing Voices, LGBTQ Character, Louis Dies, Mental Health Issues, Multiple Voices, Prison, Rape, Schizophrenia, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 16:23:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6086557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not like Louis wanted to be mute, he was just afraid of the reaction to his words.<br/>It's not like he wanted to be stick thin, he just wanted to lose a little more weight<br/>It's not like he wanted to be alone, he just wanted to feel clean.<br/>It's not like he wanted to die, except he kind of did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Voices

Louis doesn't talk. It's not that he doesn't want to, he's just too scared after all that's happened. He's always been a good boy, doing his homework, getting straight A's. That's what the other students didn't like. They started picking on him when he was 10. It started as harmless jokes about his clothes, face, glasses or any other part of him but when he got older it got worse. Louis came out when he was 14. The words got harsher, the pushes stronger. Louis was truly alone.

He hadn't done anything about the bullying until in December when he was 15 a boy called Eli cornered him in the school's bathroom with a knife in his hand. That's when Louis panicked. He pushed Eli away, took the knife and stabbed his bully straight in the throat. Louis didn't cry. He sat down next to Eli and stroked the long row of scars on his own arms. He didn't touch the dead body but he kept an eye on it, watching and waiting for it to hurt him in some way. The police came fast after that. Some kid had opened the bathroom's door and had freaked the fuck out. The police cuffed Louis and shoved him in a police car. He was sentenced 2 years in a youth prison far away from home.

 

The prison was big and full of muscular guys. Louis didn't wear his fake glasses for the first time in forever. The night that marked half a year in prison, Louis heard his door being unlocked. He sat up in his boxers and stared at the intruder.

"Why are you here at this unholy hour?" Louis heard himself ask. Louis' guard stepped inside and locked the door after him.

"Shhhh... Be quiet and I might go easy on you" Thomas, the guard, whispered straight in Lou's ear while he sat down on his legs. Louis' eyes widened and his heart rate fastened. Nonononono this can't be happening!

"Get away from me, don't touch me!!" Louis exclaimed but that only got him a hand over his mouth and a harsh tug in his hair. The frightened boy got his arms moving and slapped the bastard across his face. The ugly jerk only laughed and got up, pushing Louis to the mattress face first. That's how Louis ended up with his hands cuffed in a prison cell being raped by a guard with an unnaturally big cock. After the first incident the get-togethers became more frequent. Once a week Thomas would pay a visit to his darling little boy.

 

Louis stopped talking around Christmas, a year after his imprisonment. His mother was very worried during the visiting days. She held her son tightly and asked him what was wrong. There was no answer. This continued until summer. A co-worker had gotten suspicious of Thomas' night walks and followed him in the quiet prison. When he unlocked the cell's door, he found his friend balls deep in a 16 years-old. Louis wasn't even tied down anymore. He knew not to protest. He had tears falling down his cheeks and hands fisting the sheets in a tight grip, hands shaking from embarrassment and pain.

 

Louis was freed half a year early.

\---------------------------

Darkness, that’s what lingered in Louis’ bedroom when lay awake at night. He didn’t see darkness, didn’t hear his mother’s soft snores. He felt hands, heard whispers and saw them. They were so beautiful. He lifted his hand to touch them but his hand sunk right through them.

_ “You’re not ready… Not ready for our touch… You need to get better for us, can you do that? Soon you’ll be joining us. You just need to listen to us, understood?” _

They whispered, touches of strange men lingering on his skin. Fear in his eyes Louis looked up and nodded. “I can do that, please help me. I want it to stop, I want to become as beautiful and  **clean** as you” He whispered to the empty room.

His walls were starting to fill with writing. The wall was his diary, his art canvas. It was full of harsh, mean words because that was all Louis seemed to remember of the world. Harshness, meanness, people ugly on the inside everywhere. He didn't even dare to hope that it would get better.

\-------------------------

Louis was about to die. He was standing in front of the classroom and his hands were shaking. He couldn't lift his hand to knock. He wouldn't. But he did. The door opened and his 50-year-old male English Literature teacher looked at him with his soft, brown eyes.

"Ah, you must be Louis! Come on in! Don't be shy!" He said and opened the door wider to let Louis in. Louis walked in and stopped in front of the class. He stared at his own feet and tried to calm his breathing.

"Class, this is Louis Tomlinson. Treat him well! Louis, go sit at that desk in the back of the class, I'm afraid it's the only one left." The teacher, Mr Payne said.

Louis hurried past his classmates, trying to avoid the stares.

_ "Oh my god isn't that the murderer?" "Hmmmmmm he looks good""Yeah, I heard he killed that poor Eli boy."  "Hey, hey boy! Hey, you! Yes, you! Die! Suffer you sick freak" "Really? He sounds so dangerous" "What a fucking freak!"  "Hah, you waste of space" "Don't get close to him or he'll rape you and kill you, or worse..." "Loooouuuuuiiiiiiiis go diiiie, you need to die RIGHT NOW" _

He sat down, trying to breathe. He saw the classroom turn into a blurry mess and he banged his head against the table.

_"You deserve this"_ , said the voices, _"you deserve to die, you deserve to suffer."_

Shaking his head Louis took his backpack and ran out of the classroom. He couldn't do this, there's no way he'll ever be able to do this. Maybe he should just die. Slamming the door shut he bumped into a curly headed monster. He couldn't breathe at all. Shaking and letting out little screeches he fell to the ground in front of the tall lanky guy.

"Hey, hey, calm down. My name's Harry, I won't hurt you! Just take deep breaths, alright? One, in, two, out, one, in, two, out..." Louis heard a deep voice say in a really calming way. He tried to breathe the way the stranger told him to. Small shaky breaths came out of his mouth as he stared at the floor. Blinking, he felt tears run down his cheeks as he kept taking tiny breaths.

"That's good, keep breathing!" Louis slowly lifted his head and peaked at the stranger. He was beautiful.

_ "No, god no... You can't think that about someone gorgeous! They'll never like you the way you are now. You have to change. Remember our talk?" "Change" "Change" "Change" "Kill" "Change" "Change" "Starve" "Die" "Change" "No, don't listen to them! I'm the only real one" "Hit him" "Yes!! Hit him" "Or kill him!" "Don't do that, just get up and leave" _

The voices were driving Louis crazy, he couldn't see anything else but the sources of the voices, a huge group of skeletons with evil smirks. He couldn't hear anything but them. He stared and listened and waited. How do I change? What do I do? Louis got up and ran outside, trying to outrun the skeletons. They were fast, they always were. Wherever Louis was, the skeletons followed. He ran and ran and ran until he realized he was standing in front of his front door.

How... How did I get here? I only ran for five minutes, right? Or did I?

He opened the door and walked in, seeing his mother sitting on a chair with her computer in front of her.

"Honey? How come you're already home? You should've texted me, I could've picked you up... Oh dear let's get you some water!" He barely heard what was said through the noise in his head. A cold glass of water touched his lips and a soft hand went through his hair. _Glug, glug, glug._ The sound of him swallowing was overwhelming. 

He took a step back and looked up at his mother shaking his head. He started running again. And then he was standing in the kitchen, his mind full of hatred, of words thrown at him. The knife slipped and dipped through his skin. His body slammed against a towel, painted red. _Bump, bump, bump, bump._ He heard his heart. _AAAAAAAAAAAAAA._ He heard a scream.

"OH MY GOD LOUIS NO" he heard as he sank down to the floor. Hands were touching him all over, whispering. _"Good job. If you can do it, you'll become just like us and you'll be able to join us. You'll never be alone."_

There he sat; the skinny boy, the quiet one, the weird one, the lonely one, the killer. There he sat dying in the arms of his crying mother.

It's not like Louis wanted to be mute, he was just afraid of the reaction to his words.

_ "I'm going to have to shut you up, aren't I darling?" _

It's not like he wanted to be stick thin, he just wanted to lose  **a little more** weight.

_ "You fat disgrace" _

It's not like he wanted to be alone, he just wanted to feel clean.

_ "You feel so good darling, so tight around me" _

It's not like he wanted to die, except he kind of did.

_ "Just kill yourself already" _


End file.
